i am me.

I am a candle you burn,
I've been lit and blown out,
I've been exposed and hidden,
been used and ignored,
yet I'm still standing, through it all,
I still have the light,
I don't expect you to understand,
I don't expect you to care,
I have even given up hope that you wonder anymore,
I just needed to say it, I needed to hear it,
I'm still standing, through it all,
I still have the light.

I am the water that you see daily,
been left to run,
been closed up and been wasted,
yet, here I am, still strong and still helping,
bet you didn't think I would make it,
bet you thought I'd give up, maybe run,
I just needed to say it, I needed to hear it,
here I am, still strong and still helping.

I am a piece of crumpled up paper you tried to dispose off,
I've been scrunched and ripped,
I've been thrown away and left on the side,
yet here I remain, with all the rips and tears you gave me,
here I remain,
I don't want to know why, I don't want to be fixed,
I just needed to say it, I needed to hear it,
here I remain, with all the rips and tears you gave me,
here i remain.

I am the girl who fakes the best smile,
I've done it for years,
Ive mastered it to perfection,
yet inside I am broken,
I wont show it, but I am broken,
I don't want to know, I don't want to tell anyone,
I just needed to say it, I just needed to hear it,
inside I am broken,
I wont show it, but I am broken.

I am a newborn baby girl,
I miss you,
I cry for you,
I long for you,
yet I live everyday without you, hurting, but living,
I NEED you to know it, I NEED you to see it, I NEED you to understand it,
I just needed to say it, I just needed to hear it,
I live everyday without you, hurting but living.

I am Ana,
I am broken,
I am strong,
I am scared,
I am alone,
I am fearless,
I am brave,
I am no one special, I am who was left, I am abandoned, I am me,
I can do this,
I have been doing this,
I must do this,
I just needed to say it, I just needed to hear it,
I am no one special, I am who was left I am abandoned, I am me.

hearts are easy to draw and hard to heal.

I wonder what its like where you are,
I wonder if you think of us at all,
I wonder if you ever regret your decision,
do you want me to forgive you? or forget you?
do you know how hard it is for me to trust anyone now because of you?
question is, do you care?
I don't want answers, I don't want excuses or explanations,
of course I have questions, but I don't want to hear the response to them,
did you ever think "time will heal their hearts",
because i have news for you, it didn't heal mine,
not now, not ever.
I wonder what people say about you,
I wonder what path your life has taken anew,
I wonder what it's like without us,
do you miss us?
do you know how you affected us?
question is, do we care for you anymore?
I have news for you,
I have something to tell you,
I have lots of exciting things to share with you,
but i don't trust myself to tell you any,
I guess all i want to say is "I miss you".

love, amor, liebe, amore, je t'aime.

Sometimes I hate you,
other times I cant get enough of you,
you twist my heart and confuse my mind,
I've never been happier to know you and sadder to not be able to have you,
you're different, you're just the same, you're special, you're you,
how can I make this pain go away but this smile to remain?,
how does the ache go and the memory stay?,
I feel useless, it's deeper than you know, it's deep in my soul,
I wish you could see my smile, like I've seen you,
I wish it was possible and I sit here and wait knowing it will never happen,
I'm tired of looking at you,
I'll shut you out of my life,
I will make it look like you don't exist,
I tried, it didn't work, I missed you,
you came back and again I wait and wish for the impossible.

that boy.

There was once a boy,
who had a face as pure as the colour white,
who had a name as special as a newborn baby,
and who had a laugh which was as addictive as oxygen.
This boy did something to my heart,
he touched it without being here,
he spoke to it without being near and he stole it without never knowing,
I didn't mind, that a part of me was missing,
cause I knew it was safe with him.
I thanked him for teaching me about life and love,
I thanked him and sometimes I looked above,
I'd see the sky, the clouds, the stars, the sun and the moon and soon,
I knew he was watching,
he was always watching.
This boy was special, though we hadn't met.
This boy was special, though we hadn't yet spoke.
This boy was quick, as quick as a bullet,
one minute he was here and the next he was gone,
time went by slow, the world was slow moving,
everything I had ever known was being tested,
I knew what I felt and I liked it,
This boy said no more, people still spoke, they wanted answers,
in vain they tried but still nothing was spoke.
This pure, special, addictive boy was a love that started fast and finished faster.
It lasted years without us both knowing,
but finished quick and left me yearning for the love,
the love I had once known,
the love I had once found in that boy.